Hate Me
by Harunifuyu
Summary: Set after Last Sacrifice, but Dimitri and Rose never got back together.  After Rose heals from the gunshot, he leaves again. He goes to stay with his family in Russia.  He is listening to American radio one day and hears Hate Me by Blue October. SONGFIC
1. Chapter 1

Hate Me

Summary: Set after Last Sacrifice, but Dimitri and Rose never got back together. After Rose heals from the gunshot, he leaves again. He goes to stay with his family in Russia. He is listening to American radio one day and hears Hate Me by Blue October. SONGFIC. Summary sucks. Story doesn't (I hope).

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own the Vampire Academy series or the song Hate Me. These belong to Richelle Mead and Blue October. But I can always keep hoping.

_I have to block out thoughts of you_

_So I don't loose my head_

_They crawl in like a cockroach _

_leaving babies in my bed_

Roza. My Roza. I couldn't stop think about her. But every time I did, it drove me insane. I loved her. I needed her in my life. I was so stupid. How could I have ever thought that I could move on? That I could forget?

_Dropping little reels of tape_

_To remind me that I'm alone_

_Playing movies in my head _

_that make a porno feel like home_

Memories kept running through my head. Every kiss. The night in the cabin. Everything. It was ingrained in my head. It was all I had left of her.

_There's a burning in my pride_

_A nervous bleeding in my brain_

_An ounce of peace is all I want for you;_

_Will you never call again?_

_And will you never say that you love me_

_Just to put it in my face_

_And will you never try to reach me;_

_It is I who wanted space_

I missed her so much! Her voice, her hair, her face, her lips-everything. I wanted her to move on, to find peace. She deserved it, after all that I had put her through. But I kept hoping she would call me, or write, or something! Anything! I wished she would ask me to come back. I would run back to her in a heartbeat. I would do anything for her. But I couldn't just go back to her, I didn't want to go back if she had moved on. I didn't deserve her. I hurt her so much. She deserved do much more. More than I or anyone else could give her. I would give her everything I had, but I left- too stupid to understand how much it would destroy me.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways_

_Yeah, ways hard to swallow_

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

She should hate me. For leaving, for what I did as a strigoi. For the first time I told her I didn't love back when she was still a student as St. Vladimir's. For when I told her that my love had faded when I first came back. I should have run right into her arms. For not telling her I still loved her while we were on the run. For not staying until she woke up. I never even said goodbye.

_I'm sober now for three whole months_

_It's one accomplishment that you helped me with_

_The one thing that always tore us apart _

_Is the one thing I won't touch again_

Sober. I never had drinking problems, but what had plagued me and made me do horrible things was gone now. And that was thanks to her as much, if not more so, than it was to the princess. I had never thanked her.

_In a sick way, I want to thank you_

_For holding my head up late at night_

_While I was busy waging wars on myself_

_You were trying to stop the fight_

_You never doubted my warped opinions_

_On things like suicidal hate_

_You made me compliment myself_

_When it was way too hard to take_

She had helped me. She had tried to convince me that what I had done wasn't my fault. And I had started to believe her. When she told me to find one thing that was beautiful, all I could think was _you_. I said "your hair." But it wasn't just her hair. It was all of her. Her hair, her voice, her smart-ass remarks, her spirit, her loyalty. Everything. It was _her_.

_So I'll drive so fucking far away_

_That I won't ever cross your mind_

_And do whatever it takes in your heart_

_To leave me behind_

I had left, wanting her to move on. Now I would do anything to go back in time and stay. To be with her. Now that was all I yearned for.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways_

_Yeah, ways hard to swallow_

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_And with a sad heart_

_I say bye to you and wave_

But I hadn't. I never told her goodbye. I wish I had. I wish she would have convinced me to stay.

_Kicking shadows on the street_

_For every mistake that I have made_

_And like a baby boy_

_I never was a man_

_Until I saw your blue eyes cry_

_And I held your face in my hands_

_And then I fell down_

_Yelling "Make it go away!"_

_Just make her smile come back and shine_

_Just like it used to be_

Iwanted to see her smile again. Not the forced ones that I knew were because of me. But a real smile, like the ones she would give me during our training sessions.

_And she whispered "How could you do this to me?"_

I don't know! I don't know how I could do this. I never knew anything could hurt this much.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways_

_Yeah, ways hard to swallow_

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_For you _

_For you_

_For you_

_For you_

_Oh Roza! Please be happy. Where ever you are, please be happy. I'm sorry._


	2. Author's NotePoll

AN: CONTINUE?

This was originally a one-shot, but people are telling me to continue it, so I am putting up a poll. Please vote if you want me to continue this story! Or you can just review and tell me, though I would prefer you vote… Let me know either way! Thank you!


	3. Author's Note 2 SORRY!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_**Okay! Well, so far the poll has 100% (8 votes) on continue, so it will! It might take me a little while to get the next chapter up (SORRY), but school is finishing so I have finals, and band camp for marching band in high school (sorry, excuses, excuses, I know), but it will continue. My main focus will e on my other story My Happy Ending, so if you REALLY need Roza+Dimitri read that. Sorry, again. And if anyone has any ideas they want included in this story, please review or PM me. I have some ideas, but could always use help! Thanks, sorry for the wait, I'll try to make it as fast as possible. I hope to have a chapter up sometime this weekend, but no promises. Thank you for reading and putting up with me!**_

_**-Haru**_


	4. Author's Note 3 POLL!

**AN: Just had an idea and put up a poll. Please vote. Should Hate Me be continued as a songfic? This would mean all chapters would be based off song. This might result in longer chapters because I would have to come up with songs, but since summer is almost here, it shouldn't take TOO long. Please let me know what you want. **


	5. Chapter 2 ACTUAL CHAPTER!

**CHAPTER 2: RPOV**

_Are you aware of what you make me feel, babyRight now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not realDidn't you feel me lock my arms around youWhy'd you turn away?_

He still didn't get it, that damn idiot! I said I forgave him! And he didn't believe me! What the hell was wrong with him? I mean, I know that he was strigoi and that he would have trouble forgiving himself, but didn't he know me at all? I loved him! Even if he couldn't forgive himself, he had to know I would forgive him. He had to.

_Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,waiting outside there grinning with a lost stareThat's when I decided_

And I thought everything would be okay! I thought he had helped me escape because he cared about _me_, not out of _loyalty to Lissa_. I was done. I was tired of his 'Red light, green light' crap! It was retarded and childish. He could go die in a hole! He was an asshole! I hated him for doing this! But I still loved him.

_Why should I careCuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so aloneYou, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone_

I didn't care anymore! I was with Adrian now. I was happy. Except I wasn't. If I was, I wouldn't have been thinking of leaving him for Dimitri when he came back. Hell, I wouldn't have even tried to BRING him back. But I _would_ be happy. At some point. Without him._Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's placewhen you turn around can you recognize my face_

_you used to love me,you used to hug me_

And he used to. He _used_ to care. About me, about _us_. But he didn't anymore. He stopped caring. He didn't want to be with me anymore. He wanted to waste his life wallowing in his own misery. He wanted to _waste_ the second chance that I had given up practically everything to give him.

_But that wasn't the caseEverything wasn't ok I was left to cry therewaiting outside there grinning with a lost stareThat's when I decided _

_Why should I careCuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so aloneYou, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing aloneCrying out loud I'm crying out loudCrying out loud I'm crying out loud_

No. I was done crying. I was done with _my_ self-pity. I was my best friend's guardian. I needed to start acting like it. I wouldn't lose myself because my Russian god had abandoned me. I would be me.

_Open your eyesOpen up wideWhy should I careCuz you weren't therewhen I was scared I was so alone Why should I careCuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so aloneWhy should I careIf you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhereWhy should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so aloneWhy should I care If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere _

And if I ever saw him again, I would kill him and rip his heart out like he had mine.

**AN: Sorry, it's kinda short, but I hoped you enjoyed it. I actually just finished it. Please vote in my poll. READERS RULE! Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm going back through this story and editing it and reposting it. I also plan to continue it, but I also planned on doing that before, so we'll see. I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this, and if they are I AM SO SORRY. That was a ridiculously long hiatus. Sorry! **

-Haru


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